This is the last blog in the library series and has been my favorite one to write!
Community. Village. Network.
Whatever word resonates with you, we have all heard it since we looked at those positive lines on a pregnancy test, whether our own or that of our spouse’s or surrogate, learned that we were approved to foster children, or were finally approved and selected to adopt a child.
Today, when we look at working towards building our community, we are pressured by what we see (or don’t see) on Instagram, paid leave that is abysmal, and our extended family moving farther and farther away. And..all of this leads to having the feeling that the deck is stacked against us because…it is really.
Instagram and other social media platforms make it appear that “finding your village” is as easy as ordering your favorite coffee order from your local coffee shop. And, that is just simply not true.
One of the things that I have always thought but never articulated until today is that…in all of the those prenatal classes, postpartum check up (I mean, the one appointment you get, let’s be real), and even your first meeting with the daycare you are sending your kiddo to, I wish there would be a handout of sentence starters they would give to new parents to make it easier to just take the first step in building your community.
Because (unpopular opinion coming)…the community, village, network, just doesn’t build itself. It takes work. Work from you. You have to put yourself out there, you have to make the attempts. And yes, we can make the argument and say, “oh, I’m fine, I don’t really need to make new friends”. And maybe that’s true for like 2% of us but a lot of us need that community whether we care to admit it or not.
And here is the real reason why it’s hard. It’s really scary to put ourselves out there.
The fear of rejection is real. Now add in some overstimulation, over-tiredness, and the other 100 different emotions we feel as parents, and it can be such an emotionally heightened experience.
To look for real genuine friendship and experience rejection. It gives all the feels.
And here is the other thing…rejection happens.
That’s what I think makes building your community even harder is that, you are going to experience a time where you don’t click as parents, where the other adult isn’t interested in building their community, and that is just a genuine bummer.
I have probably experienced more rejection than having successful connections in attempts to build my community but for the connections I have made, for the sake of sounding so cheesy, it does make it all worth it. Some of my favorite relationships are those that understand the call from school when there is a case of COVID and what a tailspin that will lead me into; equal parts understanding my phobia of germs, providing sarcasm and jokes to lighten the mood, and showing up with food when I’m overwhelmed with it all.
And perhaps it gets better as we and our kiddos get older but as I write this blog on yet another rainy Winter Saturday in Maine, I’m not sure. But what I do believe is that I’m just more seasoned into this cycle of putting myself out there so the feelings that come from it are more like, for the sake of my point, an old friend rather than a new acquaintance.
So…if you have made it this far, you are probably wondering how does this relate to libraries?
Well, I think libraries offer the EASIEST place to start building your community. You are most likely to run into families that live in the same area as you, have kiddos the same age, or at the very least, take the same interest in attending activities at your local library.
I always try to make connections when I’m at the library. It’s easy to spot the “family” person at the library; they will be in the children’s section, holding all the jackets, sitting in a chair 3x too small for them, while holding some caffeinated beverage or Stanley mug of sorts.
And, I’m an equal opportunity connector. I’ll talk with parents, grandparents, nannies..you never know who you are going to hit it off with!
I usually have the same approach as I find it’s easier to have the same approach; just like it’s easier to gravitate to those favorite pair of jeans and favorite sweater when you are in a pinch.
It goes something like this: Hi, I’m Natalie. My daughter over there, her name is ________. Do you live around here?
And from there, the conversation will take a friendly chit chat approach. It’s very casual but enough that if we run into each other again, which the likelihood is a bit high that we will, we will have made the connection and perhaps the conversation is more than the location of where we live and if we like our local library.
Hint here: If you do run into each other again, lead with something like: Hi, you were here together last week right? I’m Natalie. My daughter is ________. Always lead with your name.
Usually, one of you is overtired, overstimulated and will probably be kicking themselves the minute they get into the car because they couldn’t remember your name. So always drop your name!
Now..let’s switch gears and talk about us, the adults.
If you are reading this, you are most likely a parent! And if you are anything like me, you are just starting to feel like myself again, 5 years postpartum. However, feeling like myself isn’t about going back to who I was pre-parenthood, it’s about loving who I am right now. It’s loving the person who is building into her schedule a once-a-week gym class, who is interested in volunteering more and competing in 5k runs less, somebody who needs an earlier bedtime and loves a productive weekend morning blogging before everyone wakes up.
And so, if you are feeling like yourself again, or even if you are not, but you are looking to build some community for yourself, libraries are great places for that too! Just like my last blog about children’s and family programming, libraries are growing their offerings for US, the ADULTS!
So many libraries across our state are offering yoga, tai chi, and meditation and usually these workshops and programs are FREE to adults. If caffeine is more your thing, libraries have that too and are offering coffee and conversation. And if art is more of your thing, Fiber Art classes are taking off as well!
Again, most of these classes will be FREE, or at the very least, affordable and it’s a great way to meet up with those who have the same interest!
Below are a couple of my favorite family and adult community building opportunities I found while doing research for this series. And, like I shared in my last post, this is just a VERY small sampling of what libraries are offering around our state. Please check in with your library to see what they have to offer you!
- Curtis Memorial Library in Brunswick is offering a repair cafe where you can bring things that need fixing and someone will be there to help you. Talk about an opportunity for connection and mentorship!
- Jesup Memorial Library in Bar Harbor is doing self care fairs where they are bringing in community providers to help people have their best year yet!
- Ellsworth Public Library is doing Farm Drops where you can order from a local farm (similar to a CSA, I think) and pick up your order at the library. Also, this is probably the coolest thing EVER!
- Lewiston Public Library and Lithgow Public Library in Augusta are offering semi-structured play dates for preschool aged children.
- And to wrap up, Bangor Public Library and Camden Public Library are offering breastfeeding classes with certified professionals. Now, fed is best, in my opinion and experience (my daughter was formula fed from 4 months on) but I think this is a great opportunity to bring together people who probably live in the same town and with babies of the same age. I see this as a wonderful opportunity to build community!
I hope you have enjoyed this library series and have learned something about public libraries in Maine that you didn’t know before. And…if you are able to only take one thing away from these blogs, I hope that you will check in with your library director or library staff at your local library and ask what is available; from free and discounted passes, to whether your library participates in reciprocal use, and to children and adult programs, take advantage of what they offer!
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Thank you so much!
~Natalie